What a Life!

I feel a need to talk about my life up to now. Maybe my kids or grandkids will read it one day and know how Mom's and Grandma's life evolved.

I was sixteen. So dumb...so discombobulated. I hadn't the faintest idea what I wanted to do..what I wanted to "be." But (and I relate these things with tongue in cheek) I tried everything! I loved to sing...with a voice that "copied" more than being original (and the voice wasn't that great either). However, "pursuing" I went...finding a band that would let me sing with them. This "desire" lasted through one show. Nope, I didn't want to sing. "I think I want to be a model" was my next "want to be." Evidently, I either had a great deal of confidence in myself or I was full of moxie. I began modeling - which didn't last. Well, why don't I be an airline stewardness...why not? I got as far as practically being hired until he asked if I had any partials...I did. "I'd send you to Atlanta for training if I thought you could get through," he said. Thank you, God, for his not sending me...I would have been scared out of my wits!

I was getting on in age toward 20...still discombobulated. I got a job as a typist even though my highest score was 25 wpm. (He said he didn't know why he was hiring me). I watched...I listened...and noticed the secretaries wearing pretty clothes. I taught myself to type a bit better and climbed the ladder to some very good secretarial jobs...secretary to a City Manager, a Director in a Cancer Hospital, a secretary to a Hospital Administrator, a secretary to a very rich attorney. In the meantime, I married, having four children...four wonderful children. But I continued my secretarial jobs...in a Presidential Campaign. At 69, after a while at home, I interviewed for another secretarial job for an attorney. Never thinking I'd get it, I got it. And here I am at 77, a secretary, a mom and a grandmother. Oh, I forgot my most fulfilling pursuit...writing a book. I sat down and wrote a book - it was even published. I'm writing another one, but hate the thought of marketing it if I did get it published.

I'm getting that itchy feeling to move on with my life and do something different. In this blog, I suppose I'm telling my grandchildren to get their heads screwed on right while they're young...well, maybe I'm telling them that, but maybe I'm also saying a little discombobulation makes life interesting...at least it was for me. Let's see...I haven't jumped out of a plane....yet.

Finding My Way

You can't pray your loved one back. You can't ask God to reverse your life to the "before," before it happened...to give you a chance to make it better...make it not happen. God doesn't do things that way. You have to climb that mountain..to regain your faith that there is, indeed, a God. Noone can climb it for you. My climb has been so steep, and my faith shallow. I questioned God...are You there? Is there REALLY a You?

My brother was home for a family reunion. We had lunch and talked. To be perfectly honest, I had never heard of the "New Earth." Had it been discussed in church or Sunday School? I don't remember. All I remember is he spoke of the New Earth...he described it to me... so vividly, his excitment showing through his words..and my head grabbed around it...I could feel my heart doing the same. I had visualized my husband and son in a big, white farm house and, somehow, this confirmed it. All of my family would be together again...we would be happy...there would be no tears, no heartache and thank God, no grief.

I'm not completely to the top of that mountain yet, but there is a hope taking the mountain's place. There's a fullness of heart There's a touch of spirit I have not had for a long time. My belief is returning...not my loved one as I'd prayed for...but a sense of relief...if I can only hold onto it.