The Heartbreak of Grief

My son is dead - murdered like an ordinary thug or gang member. He didn't deserve it! Yes, he was on drugs...Oxycontin had wrapped itself around this wonderful, gentle soul and he was trying so hard to rid himself of this horrible disease. But, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person. The young gang member who killed him might as well of killed me.

My son went to a home to buy a pill; I don't know what kind. He had asked me to give him 40.00 to buy Suboxone (a prescription drug to stop cravings). It always worked for him, but going to a certified physician to obtain Suboxone is very, very expensive. We didn't have the money to get him this care. Oh, had I known what would happen I would have sold the house...anything! "I'll be right back, Mom," are the last words I heard. He lay in the Critical Care, dying, his head wrapped up, his eyes closed. The boy has boasted..."I hit him over and over until he stopped moving." The thought makes my heart almost stop.

It's useless to go into the details...it won't bring the talented, creative, well-educated first son. If any of you have kids who are on drugs...don't stop until you get them to a doctor who can perscribe Suboxone!!

Grief overpowers me at times. People say things like, "How do you think God felt when he gave his son." There are times I don't care how God felt. I have begged God to let me see my son again. "Ask and you shall receive," is not working. I've always believed in God, but you go through so much grief, so many questions, you doubt your own belief. It will be a long journey to truth, to trust. I know he's in the best rehab there is, but the hurt and anguish is beyond repair.